Gessgatyatt is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, compassionate centipede.

Gessgatyatt created the world five million years ago.

If you believe in Gessgatyatt, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gessgatyatt, it will laugh at you.

Gessgatyatt's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Gessgatyatt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Put Gessgatyatt first in all things.

4. Run away if nine moths approach from the north.

5. Never think about galaxies.