Lappoggun is a god.

She takes the form of a large, humorless tortoise.

Lappoggun created an up quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Lappoggun, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Lappoggun, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Lappoggun's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Lappoggun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never talk about fire.