Vonkhonlun Bessneljab is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, charitable gnu.

Vonkhonlun Bessneljab created the Sol system two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkhonlun Bessneljab, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Vonkhonlun Bessneljab, it will destroy your home solar system.

Vonkhonlun Bessneljab's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Vonkhonlun Bessneljab's Holy Commandments

1. Bats are not to be trusted.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Put Vonkhonlun Bessneljab first in all things.

4. Run away from magenta porpoises, for they are unholy.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.