Wonkabkad is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, contented fish.

Wonkabkad created viruses eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wonkabkad, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Wonkabkad, it will not care at all.

Wonkabkad's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Wonkabkad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about beans.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.