Gofqueegrip is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, impressive snail.

Gofqueegrip created a charm quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofqueegrip, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gofqueegrip, he will turn you into a hamster.

Gofqueegrip's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Gofqueegrip's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Pray towards the east.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Voles are not to be trusted.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.