Tafpondit Bugpadgem is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, idiotic cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Tafpondit Bugpadgem created the planet Saturn six billion years ago.

If you believe in Tafpondit Bugpadgem, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tafpondit Bugpadgem, she will turn you into a slug.

Tafpondit Bugpadgem's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Tafpondit Bugpadgem's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in holy places.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not make images of living things.