Nelbatlam is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, contented faun.

Nelbatlam created tapeworms six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nelbatlam, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Nelbatlam, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Nelbatlam's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Nelbatlam's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in holy places.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

3. Do not take Nelbatlam's name in vain.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not stand on grass.