Futfencemkom is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, conceited hippopotamus.

Futfencemkom created Asia eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Futfencemkom, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Futfencemkom, it will turn you into a slug.

Futfencemkom's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Futfencemkom's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Futfencemkom.

4. Do not trade with those who eat strawberries.

5. Always wear black.