Hognurlwan is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, unfair newt.

Hognurlwan created the universe eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hognurlwan, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Hognurlwan, it will manifest in front of you.

Hognurlwan's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Hognurlwan's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Feed all hungry sharks.

3. Do not trade with those who eat onions.

4. Never wear shirts.

5. Never eat bark.