Quartfatben is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, passionate lion.

Quartfatben created time and space three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quartfatben, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Quartfatben, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Quartfatben's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Quartfatben's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Quartfatben loves goats, so they must be honoured.