Yoggemquart is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, moody dragon.

Yoggemquart created vertebrates nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yoggemquart, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Yoggemquart, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Yoggemquart's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Yoggemquart's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick porpoises.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Always help great tits in need.

4. Yoggemquart must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Always make sure there are no doves in a room before entering it.