Maddam Fomvonkget is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, emotional faun.

Maddam Fomvonkget created viruses nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Maddam Fomvonkget, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Maddam Fomvonkget, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Maddam Fomvonkget's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Maddam Fomvonkget's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Erect eight nickel sculptures of Maddam Fomvonkget on top of important buildings.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.