Hapbomzimtarg is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, conceited crab.

Hapbomzimtarg created matter two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hapbomzimtarg, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Hapbomzimtarg, he will turn you into a tree.

Hapbomzimtarg's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Hapbomzimtarg's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate eagles.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hapbomzimtarg.

5. Do not take Hapbomzimtarg's name in vain.