Parkzanwik is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, irritating crow.

Parkzanwik created a quark two years ago.

If you believe in Parkzanwik, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Parkzanwik, he will destroy your home planet.

Parkzanwik's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Parkzanwik's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce near foxes.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never think about cell theory.

4. Do not wear mauve clothing.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force.