Cetxuckjon is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, selfish zebra.

Cetxuckjon created Mount Everest four billion years ago.

If you believe in Cetxuckjon, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Cetxuckjon, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Cetxuckjon's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Cetxuckjon's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never think ill of sick doves.

3. Do not hurt goats.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.