Flagquagmil is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, prudent tortoise.

Flagquagmil created humanity eight million years ago.

If you believe in Flagquagmil, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Flagquagmil, she will throw large rocks at you.

Flagquagmil's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Flagquagmil's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Never eat pineapples.

3. Never think ill of sick monkeys.

4. Always treat rats with great respect.

5. Never talk about doves.