Futvanlarntunvencepnarlhig is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, stupid bird.

Futvanlarntunvencepnarlhig created dark energy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Futvanlarntunvencepnarlhig, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Futvanlarntunvencepnarlhig, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Futvanlarntunvencepnarlhig's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Futvanlarntunvencepnarlhig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat peanuts.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Always help sick eagles.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate badgers.

5. Always wear cyan.