Lidjatsaf is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, caring clam.

Lidjatsaf created an up quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Lidjatsaf, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lidjatsaf, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Lidjatsaf's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Lidjatsaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair black.

2. Horses are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Always help sick dolphins.

5. Never sit near sheep.