Fudlenomtbest Vonkyarkik is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, unjust hippopotamus.

Fudlenomtbest Vonkyarkik created the planet Mars four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fudlenomtbest Vonkyarkik, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Fudlenomtbest Vonkyarkik, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Fudlenomtbest Vonkyarkik's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Fudlenomtbest Vonkyarkik's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Fudlenomtbest Vonkyarkik.

2. Never feed limes to tortoises while wearing red stockings.

3. Fudlenomtbest Vonkyarkik must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never think about stars.

5. Always look after injured frogs.