Kimlithiv Zagtikxem is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, stupid finch.

Kimlithiv Zagtikxem created the universe nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kimlithiv Zagtikxem, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Kimlithiv Zagtikxem, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Kimlithiv Zagtikxem's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Kimlithiv Zagtikxem's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity.

2. Do not hurt swans.

3. Always help pigs.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.