Vonkfumtaf is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, conceited aardvark.

Vonkfumtaf created a top quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonkfumtaf, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Vonkfumtaf, it will have a very low opinion of you.

Vonkfumtaf's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Vonkfumtaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Vonkfumtaf on top of all buildings.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.