Hasstigbass is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, able swallow.

Hasstigbass created silver six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hasstigbass, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Hasstigbass, she will not invite you to parties.

Hasstigbass' most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Hasstigbass' Holy Commandments

1. Hide from yellow gulls for they are unholy.

2. Never think ill of sick monkeys.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not shave your face.

5. Never eat green fruit.