Govmaplip is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, conceited dove.

Govmaplip created dark matter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Govmaplip, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Govmaplip, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Govmaplip's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Govmaplip's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate birds.

2. Never paint your arms purple.

3. Always help monkeys in need.

4. Never talk about amino acids.

5. Never sit near horses.