Nurtcutrak is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, weak penguin.

Nurtcutrak created Mount Everest three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtcutrak, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Nurtcutrak, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Nurtcutrak's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Nurtcutrak's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat peas.

2. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never feed coconuts to sharks while wearing blue rings.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.