Fossgoncib is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, omniscient bird.

Fossgoncib created dark matter nine million years ago.

If you believe in Fossgoncib, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Fossgoncib, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Fossgoncib's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Fossgoncib's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never wear turquoise corsets.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Run away if four eagles approach from the west.

5. Do not shave your legs.