Bonkmatdog is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, awesome hyena.

Bonkmatdog created viruses four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkmatdog, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bonkmatdog, she will be very sad.

Bonkmatdog's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Bonkmatdog's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Bonkmatdog.

2. Never write about amino acids.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Do not wear violet clothing.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.