Habbassgud is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, two-faced penguin.

Habbassgud created the planet Earth seven million years ago.

If you believe in Habbassgud, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Habbassgud, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Habbassgud's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Habbassgud's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Habbassgud.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never wear magenta hats.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force.