Lamwodnig is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, selfish dragon.

Lamwodnig created the planet Saturn seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Lamwodnig, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Lamwodnig, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Lamwodnig's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Lamwodnig's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lamwodnig.

2. Lamwodnig loves cats, so they must be respected.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. You must never eat melons.

5. Never talk about stars.