Vonpommit is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, unsympathetic eagle.

Vonpommit created humanity four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonpommit, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Vonpommit, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Vonpommit's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Vonpommit's Holy Commandments

1. Vonpommit loves nematodes, so they must be respected.

2. Bats are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Erect seven titanium sculptures of Vonpommit on top of important buildings.

5. Do not chop down trees.