Kangomtaf Quagdogpogvonknurtvenquamnurl Loopgephub is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, staggering dog.

Kangomtaf Quagdogpogvonknurtvenquamnurl Loopgephub created the Sun twelve years ago.

If you believe in Kangomtaf Quagdogpogvonknurtvenquamnurl Loopgephub, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Kangomtaf Quagdogpogvonknurtvenquamnurl Loopgephub, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Kangomtaf Quagdogpogvonknurtvenquamnurl Loopgephub's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Kangomtaf Quagdogpogvonknurtvenquamnurl Loopgephub's Holy Commandments

1. Turtles are not to be trusted.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never mention doves.