Cimtanyartbeg is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, astonishing hippopotamus.

Cimtanyartbeg created humankind seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Cimtanyartbeg, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cimtanyartbeg, he will turn you into a worm.

Cimtanyartbeg's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Cimtanyartbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Always help cats.

2. Never go into brown rooms.

3. Cimtanyartbeg loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never talk about fire.