Zimvil is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, humorless cow.

Zimvil created the planet Earth two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zimvil, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Zimvil, it will torture you forever.

Zimvil's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Zimvil's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from mauve manatees for they are unholy.

2. Do not trade with those who eat cucumbers.

3. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Do not speak about carrots.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate snails.