Fottifyarl is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, confident cat.

Fottifyarl created a top quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fottifyarl, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Fottifyarl, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Fottifyarl's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Fottifyarl's Holy Commandments

1. Always help doves.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Run away from green eagles, for they are unholy.

4. Erect six iron sculptures of Fottifyarl on top of important buildings.

5. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.