Arppinbast is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, selfish bat.

Arppinbast created viruses eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Arppinbast, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Arppinbast, it will try to impress you with trees.

Arppinbast's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Arppinbast's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt cats.

2. Never wear ear rings.

3. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Never think about cell theory.

5. Put Arppinbast first in all things.