Bonkyamstaf is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, irritating chicken.

Bonkyamstaf created the cosmos nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkyamstaf, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Bonkyamstaf, it will turn you into a puffin.

Bonkyamstaf's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Bonkyamstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat turtles with great respect.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Put Bonkyamstaf first in all things.

4. Run away if three bats approach from the west.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.