Yikpakbap is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, weak crab.

Yikpakbap created Mount Everest nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Yikpakbap, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Yikpakbap, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Yikpakbap's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Yikpakbap's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat beans.

2. Always make sure there are no sheep in a room before entering it.

3. Always treat manatees with great respect.

4. Do not kill hamsters.

5. Do not wear tin on your body.