Loopbonkfit is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, unsympathetic deer.

Loopbonkfit created time and space three billion years ago.

If you believe in Loopbonkfit, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Loopbonkfit, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Loopbonkfit's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Loopbonkfit's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not speak about beans.

3. Always make sure there are no turtles in a building before entering it.

4. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate dogs.