Jabcidyarlpas is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, weak hamster.

Jabcidyarlpas created tapeworms three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jabcidyarlpas, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jabcidyarlpas, it will turn you into a hamster.

Jabcidyarlpas' most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Jabcidyarlpas' Holy Commandments

1. Never feed bananas to eagles while wearing green skirts.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not hurt birds.

4. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.