Ontcamdad is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, witty mongoose.

Ontcamdad created water two million years ago.

If you believe in Ontcamdad, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ontcamdad, it will try to impress you with trees.

Ontcamdad's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Ontcamdad's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never talk about planets.

4. You must pray to Ontcamdad seven times a day.

5. Do not eat beans.