Govcanpon is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, astonishing cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Govcanpon created vertebrates eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Govcanpon, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Govcanpon, it will jump up and down on your head.

Govcanpon's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Govcanpon's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Always look after injured foxes.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.