Betshav is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, selfish monkey.

Betshav created the Black Eye Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Betshav, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Betshav, she will turn you into a plant.

Betshav's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Betshav's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no bats in a building before entering it.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Betshav on top of all buildings.

4. Do not speak about wheat.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.