Zedcutpag is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, fast dugong.

Zedcutpag created a photon two years ago.

If you believe in Zedcutpag, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Zedcutpag, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Zedcutpag's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Zedcutpag's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat figs.

2. Do not kill mites.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate monkeys.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate eagles.

5. Never bounce near hamsters.