Vidstafmipcen is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, narcissistic lobster.

Vidstafmipcen created humankind seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vidstafmipcen, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Vidstafmipcen, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Vidstafmipcen's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Vidstafmipcen's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Always make sure there are no frogs in a room before entering it.

4. Vidstafmipcen loves ants, so they must be honoured.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.