Somjinquart is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, ruthless goblin.

Somjinquart created a strange quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Somjinquart, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Somjinquart, she will turn you into a mouse.

Somjinquart's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Somjinquart's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Somjinquart loves snails, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Somjinquart must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never paint your chest mauve.