Bonkgidlak is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, sage swan.

Bonkgidlak created Europe three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bonkgidlak, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bonkgidlak, he will turn you into a hamster.

Bonkgidlak's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Bonkgidlak's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never wear boots.

4. Do not take Bonkgidlak's name in vain.

5. Run away if six sharks approach from the east.