Futkamtag is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, selfish wren.

Futkamtag created light eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futkamtag, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Futkamtag, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Futkamtag's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Futkamtag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Feed all hungry frogs.

4. Never feed figs to snails while wearing gray shorts.

5. Run away from indigo badgers, for they are unholy.