Bopgettiflarg is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, unthinking scorpion.

Bopgettiflarg created dark energy three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bopgettiflarg, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bopgettiflarg, it will turn you into a dog.

Bopgettiflarg's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Bopgettiflarg's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Bopgettiflarg.

3. Never hurt snakes.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never look in ponds.