Fastofbam is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, calm fish.

Fastofbam created the Large Magellanic Cloud nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fastofbam, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Fastofbam, he will throw large rocks at you.

Fastofbam's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Fastofbam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never write about gravity.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fastofbam.

5. Always help manatees.