Gesskanyar is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, conceited tortoise.

Gesskanyar created viruses nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Gesskanyar, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Gesskanyar, he will manifest in front of you.

Gesskanyar's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Gesskanyar's Holy Commandments

1. Gesskanyar loves snails, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

3. Erect eight tin sculptures of Gesskanyar on top of important buildings.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not stand on grass.