Wegpaklagtun is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, humorless sheep.

Wegpaklagtun created a bottom quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wegpaklagtun, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Wegpaklagtun, he will destroy your home planet.

Wegpaklagtun's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Wegpaklagtun's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into orange rooms.

2. Always look after injured grasshopers.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never talk about fire.